Monday, October 18, 2004
ok this is my first entry! and being computer illiterate, im kinda lost. yeah as usual hee. monkey says i'll get tired of it one day. hmm. anyways, i guess i express myself better in this way...kinds of help me open up and understand myself better. heh. i hope so. lol.
my first step into mj kinda changed me i suppose. i mean...new environment, new friends, more work, him. yeah...i used to be more free-spirited and carefree. but now...i tend to think alot more and always have a compressed feeling in me. dunnoe why either. really missed my sec sch friends, the teachers and of cos the fond memories. aww. but im glad that i've friends who never left me whenever i needed support. without them, i wouldnt be able to cope with the stress and everything. they taught me what friendship is all about. love ya guys man!!
hmm. i always tell others that a flawless life is pretty dull and without problems cropping up one after another, we wouldnt be able to learn. grr. but for me...i mean...i know im supposed to treasure the present and stuff like that. but, often, things have to really happen as in...i lose it or something then i really learn to cherish. im retarded i guess. but it doesnt mean that i've never treasured anything or what but perhaps...not enough? urm how much is enough then? if you really really treasure it now and you lose it...does it mean u wont regret? does it? grr. dunno. dunno whats with me either. suddenly think that i suck when it comes to my own problem but sound like an expert when it comes to other's. sigh. i spent almost 5 hours watching vcd ok! and leo said its because i didnt want to think about my results? he knows me i guess. perhaps better than myself. hope he'll muster enough courage to woo back tricia. oei leo u heard that!!! haha.
tomorrow's dooms day. really. i've got no confidence in anything whatsoever. i'm easily defeated. i suppose. but jess says im strong? am i? argh. how come i dun even know myself. well i really hope she and her guy will last. it does not matter that they're half a globe apart from each other, so long as their love never dies for each other. but does love alone determines everything? i used to think that so long as 2 person love each other, they must be together. but in fact, there's more to that. but i still believe that it is one of the most (x3) important factor to keep a relationship going. ok im being crappish again. anyway about tomorrow!! what course should i take in poly? damn. i let my parents down. useless me. sigh. argh dont wish to think about it.
right now im feeling...not exactly sad but not exactly happy either. its more like...in a lost and frighten. see how complicated i am!! argh. partly its because of results, partly its because of...how do i face my parents/mr raj/miss tan/my sis when i see them! and partly is because im missing...blahz!.. sian1/2. oh man still got pw. should i hold on to my responsibility and help them complete it? yes i should but...hmm. sigh. okok. enough of this man. all i want...is for everything to run smoothly. damn im contradicting myself again from what i said earlier on about a flawless life blahz. sometimes simple things...thats all im asking for yet, it seems to hard to get...so far away. what to do. zzz.
pray for me can. oh and im irritated!! i've no lesson until after recess but have to report for morning assembly as usual! then what am i supposed to do after that? rot? nothing left to rot la...waste my sleeping time somemore! sian can! hmm. when shall i give him that thing? will he appreciate it? hmm. because its /definitely something he doesnt need. lol. all right. hope i'll be able to get to sleep tonight. argh.
take me with you
12:28 PM
